chusaness · kathang-isip



I never knew what love was until i met him, my first romance. You can say that it was love at first sight because from the first time i saw him, i was already attracted to him and it’s giving me the butterflies in my stomach whenever i see him smile at me.

For me, he was perfect. The description of ‘tall, dark & handsome’ fits him. He’s also smart. He’s cute and he’s the youngest among his friends. I also love his voice when he sings, and he’s good at dancing, too.

Because this long distance love affair is giving me a hard time, i cannot continue my love for him. I decided to move on, to live forward. Remembering the memories, but trying to erase the feelings.


then i met him. i knew him through my first love, they were peers. i always see him everywhere. and i had a bad impression of him when we first met. I immediately judge him based on his looks. His hair is long and it was dyed blonde, and he looks sort of girly. Most of the people think he’s gay, especially because he was clingy to his friends.

I thought i will not like him, because for me first impression lasts, just like what i had for my first love.

But i guess i was wrong. The more i know him, the more i like him. It was wrong for me to judge him just because of his looks. His personality is different. He’s fun to be with. He has a great sense of humor. And i started to appreciate his looks. He’s really handsome. When he cut his hair short, and dyed it back into black, i knew i already like him. I have moved on from my previous love. He became the only one i can think of. And days passed, it sort of turned into obsession that lasted for few years.

He’s like a drug. I became addicted to him.

And you know that drugs are bad, not only for your health, but it slowly ruins your life. You won’t see the effect at first, because you’re concentrated on how you good you felt when you use it.

time passed, and i realized these feelings are just bringing harm to me.

it brought pain. but i won’t be able to forget the happiness i felt when i was in love with him.


and then, I fell in love with a married man. I met him when he was not yet committed. He was a guitarist of a band. When he was still with his first band, he harbored a one-sided love with his bandmate. Eventually, his bandmate loved their vocalist. At that time I thought there’s a chance for my unrequited feelings for him. But then, he became the leader & vocalist of another band, a few months after, a news broke out that he was getting married to a girl group member. Instead of being upset, i was happy. i was happy for his happiness.

and now, i’m in a quest to find my true love. 🙂


He’s always been there all along. From the first time i met my first love, the day i met my ‘obsession’, and when i almost had an affair, he’s always been there. Always at the sidelines, never demanding. He always comfort me when i always hear his voice. He always makes me laugh. And when i realized how good he is, i started to be interested in him. I accept the things i hate about him before. When i feel like giving up again on him, he’ll give me reasons to still hold unto him.

can i now say that i finally found the one? 🙂


this is just the story of my journey in every fandom 😀



don’t take this seriously.

half-reality half-imaginations. =)


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