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random random random thoughts.

i’m a girl full of insecurities. i have a low self-esteem and i tend to over think things, like what people think of me, what would be their reaction if i say something.

i really hate making myself pitiful for thinking too much.

i know i don’t have to care about what other people say, and just do what i want.

but how am i going to do that, if i grew up having a lot of people around me who always say something about certain things.

i feel heavy. i feel insecure.

i’m not good at dealing with other people but i try my best to be friendly.

but it seems like, people don’t really like me for who i am, rather because of what i have? i don’t really want to judge them but this is how i really feel.

i only know few people who actually likes spending time with me, because they enjoy it. and not because i gave them or treat them with food or whatever.

i want to get rid of this feeling, and to live by being cheerful.

i want to be happy.

i don’t want to be sad. but i always make myself sad.

overthinking too much.

——

i have a fear of being shamed. i don’t wanna be embarrassed especially in front of a lot of people.

if i can stick to being a wallpaper, i would be glad.

but sometimes, spending time alone also makes you feel lonely.

like there’s always something missing.

especially now that christmas time is near…

i always dream of spending holidays with a special someone, but after all these years, it never came true.

that special someone still hasn’t come to my life.

or he already came but i was too busy to notice. =(

 

/just getting these things out of my head.

random thoughts pa more!

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2 thoughts on “random random random thoughts.

  1. Why do i feel like you are writing about my innermost thoughts, that you feel what i feel?
    It is both sad and comforting that we share these very same sentiments.

    1. =( right. and we don’t have a choice but to feel this way.

      maybe we should try to focus on the happy things in life more than the things that makes us sad. /sigh

      despite of these thoughts, hope you’ll cheer up! =)

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